I am 17 years old I have never been in a relationship let's face i've never even been kissed. In my whole life I have known of only 4 people who have liked me in that way. (none have worked out.) My whole life i have been fairly confident, i understand that i am pretty and i think i have an okay personality, but lately i have been questioning these things. the thing that is making me question my apperance is quite honestly just jealousy. the greened eyed monster has been gnawing away at my self esteem for quite sometime now. as i see people walking around in the lastest fashions i find myself think oh i wish i could look that good or i wish people would look at me that way but as i've been trying to understand lately looks are not the most important thing so moving on! i've always questioned if my personality is a good one. i mean i think i'm funny and nice (most of the time) but sometimes it seems like i don't have many friends. don't get me wrong the friends i have a great and i love them it just doesn't seem like i have anyone who i can just call up to see if they want to hang out. that might also have to do with i over think things way to much but whatever. it's always seemed like to me anyway that once i start to get to know someone they kinda start distancing themselves but i can never tell if that's my over active imagination or if it's really happening.
The good thing about this tho is it's making me realize I'm placing to much of my happiness on other people, and that i need to focus more on what makes me happy (which right now i'm not really sure what that is). So heres what i just decided i'm going to take this next year -- yes i understand it's not the new year yet but i don't want this to be a new year resolution -- just do what i want. i'm going to try not to think about things to much and just be spontaneous. right now i'm going to go call one of my local tattoo shops to see about getting my frist tattoo.
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